The quality of every human life is governed by the interplay of two entities: The conscious self and the egoic self.
Unfortunately for humanity, in most of us that interplay involves the ego dominating the conscious self, which manifests as a planet full of fearful, worry wart Earthlings.
What are these two entities?
The egoic self and the conscious self
As I’ve written many times, the egoic self is the voice inside your head constantly tormenting you with those unwanted, involuntary thoughts. It’s the harsh, relentless critic talking at you inside your head all day. It’s the you of your past and the you of your perceived future.
Your conscious self is the you that exists only in the present. It’s the you that exists when your mind is not busy chasing useless thoughts.
It’s also the “you” that is in charge when, for example, an athlete is “in the zone,” making every shot on the basketball court or every putt on the green. That athlete is not thinking about anything when they are performing at the highest level. They’re just allowing their conscious, present selves to take over. Just ask Michael Jordan or Serena Williams.
The no-thought, conscious self is also present when we watch a sublime sunset and feel nothing but peace and bliss inside. Because we’re experiencing that sunset in the present moment. Not thinking about how beautiful it is. Just a thought-free experiencing of how beautiful it is.
The Lawrence Taylor-Don Knotts Theorem
Because the interplay of ego and conscious self is so central to our well-being, understanding that dynamic is of paramount importance. To that end, I came up with the Lawrence Taylor-Don Knotts Theorem. Here’s how it works.
First, why is it that the ego is so dominant for the vast majority of the eight billion people on planet earth?
Suffice it to say that for a few hundred thousand years our homo sapiens brains evolved to thrive in the hunter-gatherer environment we lived in. We spent all day, every day roaming around in nature.
Agriculture=no more roaming around
Then roughly 7,000 years ago, agriculture took hold which allowed humans to stay put. For a multitude of reasons, this threw our brains into a distracted, anxious tailspin that has worsened with each passing millennium.
So let’s picture the powerful, dominant, egoic self as Lawrence Taylor, the best defensive player in the history of the National Football League. Known as LT, Taylor was 245 pounds of raw, athletic ferocity who struck fear in the hearts of NFL quarterbacks.
Now let’s call the conscious self Don Knotts, the hilarious actor from the Andy Griffith Show in the 1960’s. Knotts was five-feet six inches tall and weighed 120 pounds soaking wet.
How Don Knotts beats LT
How in the world does the diminutive Don Knotts have any chance against the mighty LT? It’s simple: He uses mindfulness and meditation.
And by that I mean Mr. Knotts remains calm and present through any kind of LT ego noise. Like what?
Your wife yells at you. You get impatient at the slow grocery store checkout line. You get an anxious thought while meditating.
Turns out that every time we meet one of these triggers by relaxing through the disturbance, what we’re doing is putting our skinny, Don Knotts, conscious self through a mini weightlifting routine.
What happens when we relax and notice
And when we do that on a regular basis, over the weeks, months, years and, yes, decades, here’s what happens: Don Knotts slowly but surely transforms into 180 pounds of rock solid muscle. This manifests as a more present person less plagued by egoic turmoil.
And what about our egoic selves? What are we doing about that troublemaker LT while we’re building up Don Knotts through mindful practices? This part is critical, so please laser in.
You’re not building up your Don Knotts/conscious self so that he can become strong enough to step into the ring and beat the heck out of LT.
Because you don’t beat LT by fighting him. In fact, fighting is exactly what the LT/egoic self wants. LT’s lifeblood is drama and conflict.
Beat Your Egoic Self By Not Engaging With It
So the central question is, how the hell do you deal with this egoic insanity?
As I said above: You simply notice LT when he appears, in the form of egoic reactions and relax as best you can through that disturbance. You don’t try to fight him or change him or tame him or judge him or get mad at him or do anything to him… You just notice him.
That’s it? That really is it.
Example: The jerk at work
How does that manifest in our day? Let’s take an example. You get pissed off at a guy at work for sending a snide remark your way during the meeting with your boss. This schmuck never misses an opportunity to undercut you.
On your drive home from work, all your drama queen-egoic self wants to do is dwell on this jerk. So what do you do?
Here’s how we want it to play out in our head:
LT/Egoic Self: “I can’t believe what that jerk Jerry said in the staff meeting.”
Don Knotts/Conscious Self: “I had a thought about Jerry’s remark in the meeting.”
LT/Egoic Self: “I mean, what a dick!” Silence… “Hello? Anybody home? Let’s go! This guy Jerry’s a total loser…let’s dish! I’d love to grab him by the lapels and smash his face in!”
Don Knotts/Conscious Self: “Thinking bad thoughts about Jerry.”
More silence as we keep relaxing through this…
LT/Egoic Self: “Come on, I’m starving, man! Throw me a bone here…Oh, no, I’m drifting away! Say something! AAAHHhhhhhh!”
And the bad thoughts about Jerry drift away, biting the dust because the conscious you refused to engage with the egoic you.
It’s crucial to note that we’re not avoiding these thoughts by saying,
“Yikes, these are disturbing thoughts. Just go away.”
We’re also not suppressing them with,
“Jerry’s not such a bad guy. He’s just got issues.”
What we are doing is actively paying attention to the disturbing thoughts and feelings, while at the same time not engaging with them.
When Knotts Gets Stronger and LT Gets Weaker
The more we do this in our every day lives, the stronger Don Knotts gets and the weaker LT gets. And how does that manifest in our lives?
We worry less. We ruminate less. We feel less anxious. We don’t lose it when someone cuts us off in traffic.
Realistically, most of us aren’t going to eliminate our egoic selves. Not many people have.
Maybe the Buddha did. Perhaps a fortunate few others over the millennia have. Someone like the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle has come pretty close.
50/50 is massive benefit
Well, that’s probably not going to happen to me, or most of you. But if we could go from 98 per cent egoic/two percent conscious, to 50/50 that would be an enormous game-changer.
Not just for us, but for our kids, spouses, siblings, friends, coworkers, and yes, for humanity.
Virtually every spiritual tradition, whether it’s Hinduism, Buddhism, Eckhart Tolle, Mickey Singer or Ram Dass’s teachings and countless others, comes down to doing this one thing:
Observing, and not engaging with, the egoic self when it arises so that it gradually loses its power over us.
Or, as Eckhart Tolle teaches, it’s about dis-identifying with the egoic self.
The takeaway
I created the LT-DonKnotts Theorem to help crystallize for you how this uber-important dynamic works:
The scrawny, Don Knotts, real you becomes strong as an ox by relaxing and noticing the ferocious Lawrence Taylor when he arises. That’s it.
Over time, this results in the ego going from dominant master ruling our lives to more of a distant voice we hear but can easily ignore.
And that, my friends, is the pot of gold at the end of the spiritual rainbow.
Bravo! Who doesn’t love a Don Knotts’ analogy? As usual, your clear explanation comes at a fortuitous time. Deep diving into ego. 🙏