Trying to Figure Out What You Want Out of Life? Be Sure to Ask Yourself the Right Question

Hint: It’s not about you.

Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash

Wondering what the heck we want out of life is a question that looms over all of us. And for most, it’s not only when in our teens and twenties that we ask this, but on and off for our entire lives.

The fundamental mistake virtually all of us make is that we ask ourselves the wrong question.

This Eckhart Tolle quote captures the essence of this conundrum:

“Instead of asking, ‘What do I want from life?’ a more powerful question is, ‘What does life want from me?’”

Before diving in on this, let’s first dispense with what this quote doesn’t mean. It’s not about,

“How can I best serve the world? Should I help the poor and oppressed in Africa? Should I be a stay at home dad? Should I run for Congress?”

It’s also not,

“Should I make a boatload of money so I can buy and have whatever I want? Should I shoot for power? Should I place a huge amount of effort on making my body as chiseled as possible?”

Don’t listen to the ego

No. Because what all of those paths have in common is that their motive springs from the ego. The ego is about “What do I want?” That I is the ego itself.

And the ego has no clue what is actually best for you. It’s just a construct you created in response to all of your life experiences, and mostly the not-so-pleasant ones.

For example, a guy who grows up poor and was humiliated because many of his friends were well off, developed an ego that drove him to work his ass off and succeed in life. The well of energy he tapped into to drive that work over the years was supplied by the same source: That humiliation and insecurity he felt throughout his boyhood.

That person was my dad. And his answer to, “What do I want out of life?” came one-hundred percent from his ego, as it does for most of us mortal Earthlings.

But there is another, better way.

The question to ask

Asking, “What does life want from me?” is, as Eckhart teaches, that better way. Life, meaning the Universe, God, Nature, Providence or whatever your belief is on the issue of a higher power.

We don’t use our minds to find what life wants from us. We find the answer to our life’s purpose and path by getting quiet inside. And then listening.

Unfortunately, the answers don’t normally come in epiphanies all at once like,

“Eureka! I just heard a voice telling me I should be a veterinarian! Finally, I’ve found my path!”

It’s usually much subtler than that. We get clues along the way that seem to lead us to the right place, as long as we listen to and follow those clues.

Denzel’s example

Denzel Washington’s path to acting is a good example. He spent a summer during college as a camp counselor.

One day the counselors put on a show for the campers during which Denzel performed something. Afterward, one of the counselors told him he was really good and suggested he check out acting.

Denzel hadn’t thought about acting at all before that. But he took that comment and said to himself, “Maybe I would be good at this.” So when he returned to Fordham University that fall he signed up for acting, fell in love with it and the rest is history.

Life/God/the Universe planted a clue about what it wanted from Denzel and he followed it. That’s what it’s all about.

We need to act on the clues

The key is, he followed it. He may not have had his father been a closed down, macho type who thought acting was for sissies. His ego, part of which was comprised of those learned experiences from his dad, may have shut the acting idea down.

And that’s the challenge for so many of us. Quieting our egos enough that we can act on the signals the Universe is sending us about what IT wants from us.

Often that takes plain old strength and courage.

There’s usually not just one path

And it’s often not just one thing that life wants from us. Some people end up doing several things in their lifetime.

I did political work for fifteen years in Washington, D.C. Then I had a calling to try my hand in the creative world, so I moved to Hollywood and wrote television and film scripts for fifteen years. And now I’m writing about spiritual matters.

The point is that we continue to keep our ears open and listen to what life wants from us.

The big benefits

The benefits of doing so are profound. We all know people who have lived their lives by following their inner compass. They’re usually the most content and alive among us.

We also know all too many who’ve taken their life orders from their egos. They’re the ones who are perpetually dissatisfied. Nothing is ever enough. Nothing ever feels quite right.

Again, this is so because it all springs from “What do I want?” The ego is the captain of that ship.

The takeaway

What’s the takeaway from all this?

Ask what life wants from you, not what you want from life.

And while doing that, do the hard work of letting go of the ego…

Because the ego is what creates the static preventing you from hearing what the Universe wants from you.

Finally, it’s never too late to do this. Whether you’re 21 or 71, the purpose of our lives never changes:

Clearing out our egoic static so that the Universe can work its will through us.