The Pros and Cons of Having Strong Opinions

Hint: It’s mostly cons.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

It’s my experience that compelling writing often comes from taking an accepted truth and turning it on its head. Which can be controversial.

Why? Because if something is accepted as truth, people don’t want you upsetting their apple cart.

What are some examples? I wrote a piece years ago about why hope is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Yes, there are times when things are so bad that the hope that our life will get better is all we have.

Is hope such a great thing?

But if we find that we’re always in a place of hoping that things will get better in the future, we are in a continuous state of resistance to the moments of our lives. And that’s not where we want to be.

Today’s piece is about another of those accepted truths, especially here in America: That being opinionated is a good thing.

Because it means you’re strong. That you’re passionate. That you’ve got a spine.

This is especially timely with the midterm elections here in America this Tuesday. There’s a lot of:

“Trump is an asshole! Time to throw out his Congressional enablers!”

And…

“A vote for the Democrats is a vote for communism! MAGA rocks!”

What are these political, and most other opinions, about?

Ego.

Most of the time we express a strongly held opinion, that passion emanates from the ego’s need to feel ‘right.’ And it’s not just, “I’m right.” It’s, ‘I’m right and you’re wrong.’

I’ve heard Eckhart Tolle talk about this several times in past years. Here’s his take on it:

“There is nothing that strengthens the ego more than being right. Being right is identification with a mental position — a perspective, an opinion, a judgement, a story. For you to be right, of course, you need someone else to be wrong, as so the ego loves to make wrong in order to be right.”

I was surprised when I first heard him say this. Why? Because I was part of that majority who holds that being opinionated is a good thing.

But I liked hearing this take from Eckhart. Why? Because I have a peculiar history with this subject.

Squashed like a bug at the dinner table

I grew up the youngest of six kids and my siblings were anything but wallflowers. They, and my parents, felt strongly about matters, big and small.

Our dinner table was loud and raucous, and as the youngest, I found it difficult to get a word in. When I did try to voice my view, I often got trampled on by one of my siblings.

So at one point, probably around age seven or eight, I gave up. It wasn’t so much a “Wah, wah! I hate you and I’m not going to try anymore!” It was more a function of laziness. I didn’t want to go to the trouble of muscling my way into conversations.

So what did I do instead? I listened. A lot.

It’s one of those quirks of fate that carried on into my adult life. I’ve always been the type who did more listening than talking. But had I been the oldest child, I’m sure I would have become more opinionated and assertive in making sure my voice was heard. Such are the vagaries of life.

For most of my adulthood I felt that this listening rather than “opining” thing was a sign of weakness.

Becoming a listener rather than a talker

But the further I travel on the spiritual path, the more it’s dawned on me that I lucked out on this one. Because Eckhart is right: The passionate pushing of views is all ego. It’s, “I’m right, you’re wrong.”

And anybody who knows anything about true wisdom knows that the deepest beings of history have recommended listening over talking. Heard any of these?

“Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know.” -Tao te Ching

“If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.” -Mark Twain

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” -The Dalai Lama

Which isn’t to say that having views and beliefs about things is bad. I have views about Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, capital punishment, immigration, parenting, the PGA Tour vs. LIV Golf and thousands of other matters.

My parents taught me to voice my opinion. To not shrink from standing up for what I thought was right. And I’m glad they did that.

But that’s not the point.

The need to be right

What this is about is needing to be right. And if there’s anything I hope you take away from this piece it is to be on the lookout for when that “I’m right!” muscle flexes inside you.

We all know what that feels like.

Just be aware of it. Feel it. Don’t resist it or engage with it.

Just feel it…

Then let it go.

I know many of you may thinking,

“But what if I know that I’m right and the other person is wrong and it’s about something very important? Shouldn’t I do whatever I can to convince the other of their wrongness and my rightness?”

It’s a valid question. And it points to one of the deepest and hardest to comprehend concepts in all of spirituality.

The road to transcendence

That concept is transcendence. In a nutshell, liberated beings rise above, or transcend, things like right and wrong. Good and evil.

They operate from a place where only love and compassion exist.

Did your head just explode? Mine always does when trying to fathom transcendence. I told you it was hard to comprehend.

I bring it up mostly to let you know that that is the end point of this spiritual path we’re all traveling.

But until we get to that place of transcendence, where we aren’t concerned with who’s right and who’s wrong…

The takeaway

Let’s leave it at, it’s fine to let people know your opinions. But it’s arising from ego once you feel the need to prove yourself right.

The key is, when you feel that urge to press your opinion on someone else, use it as an opportunity to let go.

Because letting go of our egos is the chief work of our lives.